Randomness Redefined

Here is that update that I keep talking about getting around to. Here’s a little recap into what has been going on in my life. Firstly, I am single again after two years of dating a very close friend. the breakup was mutual on both of our parts. Katie and I have had many rough spots but we always seemed to work through them and I had hoped that I had finally found the one I have been searching after for all of these years. Unfortunatley this was not the case, we finally came to the realization that thigs were not ment to be and that our loves were heading in two completly different places and we could not see our relationship ending in anything but a flaming ball of fire, not unlike a freight train colliding with a mountian.

So we decided to end it, unfortunatley I discovered that she had also cheated on my several weeks prior to our discussion. What suprised me was that I was not that angery to begin with, just really really sad and disapointed that all of my fears and paranoia about the relationship had come true. I hate it that every time I let a girl into my life and heart she ends up betraying my trust and love by doing this kind of shit to me. I guess I just have bad choice in woman or extremly bad luck. Anyways, its been something like two months since that all went down and I have managed to work through a pretty big chunck of the anger, pain, guilt, fustration and whatnot that comes with moving on with your lafe after you end a serious relationship.

Enough rehashing of all that crap for now, if I need to I will return to this subject and discuss it more. In other news, I am back at SMS and I’m living with my roommate Bryan again for the second year in a row (I guess that I didn’t scare him away) and for once I am doing pretty well in school even though I am extremly loaded down with all kinds of crap from all of my professors and it feels like I am drowning under all of the damn projects that they keep giving me but I am getting through. When I actually have free time you can usually find me playing Doom 3, FarCry, World of Warcraft, or chilling at Ebbet’s Field. Also, I was forced to quit my job as my boss wanted to use me as a fall guy for all of her incompetence as an administrator so I resigned my position before they could drag me through the mud. I am saddened that after three years of working for Assistive Technology Services that I was cast aside like so much garbage. Oh well, shit happens so you move on and learn from your mistakes!

For now I have given up on any sort of serious relationships with girls. My life is much less complicated and I have signifigantly less stress in my life which is what I need as I cam very close to getting kicked out of school as I was focused on dealing with everyone elses shit instead of dealing wiht my own problems so I am focusing on myself for once. I do miss having Katie in my life and suprisingly I really miss the great sex we had and sometimes if feels like I am going to explode and I am without the umm releases that I enjoyed last year. but hey, I have always believed that somewhere in the world there must be a girl that will make me happy and let me settle down into the life I am looking for. I did have a brief thing with a really nice girl but we both stepped way back from if to ensure that we don’t jurt each other, I really like her and I would not mind dating her but for now I am glad that we are friends, so here is to dreaming.

Katie and I are actually able to talk to each other for extended periods with out it feeling weird or having any bitterness coming up so many things will sort themselves out over time but I know now that we can never go back to just being friends like we both wish we can, we have been so intimate for these last two years. Her life is still pretty fucked up and pretty much I keep my distance emotionally and physically because I just can not help her with her own life, only she can, and its mostly about various guys in her life, etc and to be honest I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW about that kinda of shit ffs! but my good side keeps letting me be her ranting post or what have you so yeah, I guess I will deal with that at some point.

Anyways, I think that I have ranted, raved, and rambled for long enough. hopfully I will be able to update this site a lot more often now that I have tune ti devite to things liek this.

And now for something completly different *g*, here are some of the things that I have done to this site at long last:

1. dumped the modifications ans stylesheet that Katie made for me as it just felt weird to have that kind of reminder of her and secondly I was never happy with it as it was a learning experience for her about CSS and it was never finished so I figure I should develop my own layout, etc.

2. Added the ability to search this site using the almightly google instead of the crappy search box that Moveable Type provides you with.

3. Added google AdSense links to my site so get clicking and help make me some money so I can pay for bandwith!

4. On that note, I added a PayPal donation link so that you can donate loads of cash to my friend who has hosted this site and various other projects over the years so I figure this is the least I can do.

5. Fixed the comments bug so you can actually comment to my entries. this is assuming that anyone actually reads this site as my access logs indicate that this site does not get much f=traffic. So prove me wrong and tell all your friends and submit any feedback or shoot me an email or soemthing.

Finally, if there is anyone out there who would like to make a banner for this site or perhaps design a nice layout for me I would love that and I will buy you a beer or something in exchange. Till my next post.